In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
