I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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