Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
