Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
