Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have post one night stand depression
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