I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
