A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
