Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Church boner. Awkwardddd
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
