Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
