Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
