I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
