I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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