I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
