The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
