my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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