i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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