thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
