thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
time to smoke my breakfast
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
