it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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