based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
