but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
