there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
