She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
