it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
