I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
