i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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