I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
