do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I need moral support for this bender
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
