wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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