You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
