he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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