if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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