I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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