we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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