and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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