I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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