I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
