did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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