he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
