Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
