My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
