When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
