You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
