I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
