i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
