the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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