Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
