please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
