oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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