who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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