Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
